Monday, April 23, 2007

reply to Peter ver 1.

its pretty angry, probably cuz i wrote it before screaming my head off


so i guess i am a little confused with the letter, because on one hand it feels like its saying that you know we should try to keep in touch and that we just havent been able to do so. I do appreciate you admitting to the fact that you haven't spent much effort in trying to get together as well. Although it does feel like there is optimism in the letter, such that we will probably see each other more this summer, you kind of mentioned reasons to why you wouldnt want to hang out with me particularly as well. . .

so i guess i am not too sure if the reason for us not getting together is because these things bother you, or just that you havent put too much effort in meeting up. Or worst yet, but probably most likely, is the fact that along with no drive to call me out plus these things that bug you, it really makes it unlikely that you would ask me out. . .

so i guess i do have to clarify a few of the points you made...

in regards to me showing up late or leaving early, well i think if you look back, i honestly havent been late the last few times we went out, in fact, we really only went out a few times this year, and i arrive quite on time at the location. Think fountain head when i met your friends, me and dirk picked you and walter up, or when we went to watch dead silence i was at walters before you were. and to be honest, i dont even remember the time before that we hung out. . . regardless, yes i do sometimes leave early, but i think you can understand that sometimes i cannot hang out for the whole day. but it doesnt mean i don't want to hang out. I mean the fact that i am calling you all the time is because i want to hang out. i just dont understand why it needs to be all or nothing. and if i am to hang out with you only out of obligation, then i wouldnt try as hard as i do now, actually, going out with you makes me feel like you are going only out of obligation since you never actually call me, which actually makes it seem like you rather not go out with me, and not the other way around.

and in regards to you wanting to tell me just be who i am and not 'pretend' to be another person when i am with others. I think that is kind of convoluted in its statement. because like you said its always been something that bugged you. It isnt really a new thing i adapted. and quite honestly, how can it not be me when i am the one doing it? i mean if that is the reason you are limiting your exposure to me, i dont understand why are you hanging out with walter all the time. i am trying to talk shit about walter, not in the least, but calling a spade a spade, you have to acknowledge what i am saying. we all act differently with people, i mean you of all people should know i have a pretty big personality, and its not exactly easy to take it all in sometimes. Just like when you are around someone that doesnt like talking about sex, then you dont talk about sex so you dont offend them.

i am sorry to hear that you have adjusted quite nicely into your new niche, but at the same time i have to be happy for you. I just always thought we both invested heavily into this friendship and it meant more than giving it up when you feel lazy or unmotivated. summer is here and the holiday is among us, we both have a lot more free time but if you want a friendship to continue, shouldnt we be both putting efforts in it?

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