Monday, April 02, 2007

2nd Anniverserary

Dirk and I are still together, though he is hardly sure if he wants to go to London with me. It was our second yr anniversary and it so happened to be on the same day that he had his staff party dinner – big trouble.

The event basically unfolded after a nice dinner where movie was canceled because of the party. And Dirk enjoyed himself while I sat secretly in the backdoor stairway wondering how come I cannot relate to anybody around anywhere?

Regardless to say, I tried hard to avoid making Dirk feel bad, I gave myself 500000 reasons for not snapping at him. I wanted to be able to talk with him without the influence of alcohol, I wanted to be reasonable, I wanted to be happy for him to enjoy himself at his company dinner. Why must I be so selfish? That I feel like we should only be spending the time within each other’s glaze and embrace? Why should I feel pangs of jealousy when he is making along with his co-workers? All part from the fact that it was our second anniversary. I tried to stay in bed, lying next to him. Him who knows I am upset, and tried hard to make me feel better, in futile attempts of putting his hand around me. And eventually giving up and rolling to the other side of the bed.

I didn’t know whether it was the fact that his daughter who is not even 18 was drinking along side with us, or the fact that he didn’t help clean up when all the other managers were, but somewhere deep inside, I wonder what I was missing between us so hard anyways.

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