Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Its so close, the nearing of the portfolio, I can’t help but procrastinate. I am stuck listening to 13 senses – into the fire and that’s all I can do. So while I am doing it, I can only type. There isn’t anywhere I want to surf on the web, not even Its like I am completely fashion overloaded, its really a test to see if you love it that much I suppose. One of these days when I look back I would have so much direction, so fully aware of what I am doing, and either shake my head in approval, or shook it in response to my ignorance in my self. I better find out soon, who I am really am suppose to be. I feel like I will be wasting my time otherwise.

People used to always say that about me, how I have so much direction, how I knew I wanted to go into commerce, or be a psychologist, or a teacher. All I ever did was change what I wanted to do, and made it convincing enough for others, and me to believe it. Now that I have a commerce degree, and a psych minor, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. Maybe it’s the expectation, I expected it to be awful, and it was. And now I think I can do this forever. Maybe I was meant for commerce.

I hate how this feels like the end of high school, except there is even less directions now. So I am working, really hard for what I think I want, but should I stop and think if this is what I want? Or should we just stop thinking, and start acting?

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Friends of Foes?

One week left until I am done my portfolio, so I have said to myself before. I wonder if I will be able to get my life back to where it was. Wherever it was because I can’t remember how I got here. And without knowing my steps, how can I ever retrace it back to where I was? Who were my friend friends? Who were my acquaintances? It all seems so long ago, I feel like I had amnesia. Who did I like but only teased with my mean comments? And who did I hate that I put up such a nice front to? With all these disguises, I guess it comes obvious as to how I can’t find my way back, maybe I wasn’t even aware of what I was doing.