Thursday, May 31, 2007

one of those nights...

god this is gonna be a long post, and I just finished walking non-stop for the last hour in the dead of the night thinking about all thats happened today ...

today was my convocation, but much more happened than that, hmm maybe I am just letting everyday drama overshadow this monumental event. I wore contacts today so i can see everything clearly, and with my eyeglasses stolen this was a pretty/itchy alternative. I had fun pinning the gown and regalia or what you will call it on some people. Seeing Ying Ying again was awesome . .

we were to wait in this basement place with no reception and listen to this guy talk about the procedure of graduation. and then we were whisked away into the Chan Center where our ceremony was held

it was inside there, while we were lining up to get into the Chan Center that the nerves hit me.

the scary white lite doesn't help, and we were walking away from the light, and into the building

once seated, i turned around and saw the rows of people behind me and I saw dirk at the back of the first floor and my parents on the second floor

It was a nerve wrecking experience, and i didnt listen to to instructions of how to get up and where to look and all of that. I was depending on watching a few people go first and then pick it up. Apparently, the first bunch didnt listen either. . . resulting 'in turning away too soon then flashing, and turning back again but it was too late moments'

I noticed my gown's zipper was broken and i had to make sure no pressure was applied to rip the zipper apart

my name card

the broken zipper
my folder in which my certificate holds

the walk was alright, and dan hugged a bunch of girls. . . and some guys, not me thou, he made a point to walk away even though he shook the guy in front of me's hand

then i bumped into my first sex partner, god it was because of his sauder fling, i probably had an idea who he was but it was just weird seeing him there, and he looks v. old now. but sweet nonetheless, although i think theres an internal hatred towards him and people like dirk that goes after young asians simply because it is much harder to find attractive white versions of similar things and since asians can't usually get younger white people, thats what ends up happening, but i digress . . .


The rest of the day was devoted to celebrating Walter's 23rd birthday, we watched Pirates 3 which sucked. and i fell asleep 3 times

the real drama happened when we were at F.O.B. event tonight. I went there consistently to win my ipod nano, i think i went 3 times now, and i spent numerous hours at bingo, trying to win an ipod. . .

so there was i was, aggressive as ever to get the person to sell tickets, cuz in reality, he didnt really do his job too well. and I had to seek him out to buy the tickets, i bought 15 and then i told celia about it, and she bought 5, i told her that if she won, she gotta gimme the ipod, and she was like alright.

so of course, she won the fucking ipod

it was akward, and lets just say at the end of the night, i didnt leave home with an ipod.
1000s of thoughts were running in my mind, and they still are. at first i wondered if i should pursuit it, but i didnt because i know celia is not dumb, and i know she didnt want to give it to me, it really wasnt worth fighting and saying that you said if you won you would give it to me.

anyways dirk didnt think that would be such a good idea, and i know celia wanted to raise the topic around it, to maybe say some kind of solution, but she stopped cold everytime. it sucked because it was one of those things that is just too akward to bring up, and it bugged me. Because if it was anyone else, i know celia would probably give it to them. but not with me, and its not because i am any less of a friend i suppose, but just that its how i chose to have a relationship with her, or anyone for that matter

i act like an asshole, i truly do, but i do do good things for them, what i want to say to celia, for example is that ' who was there when you were completely heart broken and supported you over the months? who always do their best to make sure you have comfortable seatings, proper food, and think of you and take care of you? " but after trying to list some of these things i realized she did a lot for me too, so maybe its not so clear - cut

but thats the thing, we are close, and she does come to me to tell me things, but thats how close we are, and that she can easily not feel too bad bout not giving me this ipod. cuz i do treat her 'badly' but thats what i do, if people still treat me nice, and they can see that i actually, despite my appearence, treat them well, they should be able to treat me well. and be the good friend they should be..

anyways. i am tired. the last bit of rant i have in me is that leo brought a friend over and totally got hitched by walter, and walter is at his place now, 'sleeping over'

leo aint happy, and walter is a whore

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